I feel like a bad mumma today.
Last night I lay in bed and listened to Bubba cry for what seemed like forever. Not because I wanted her to cry. Not because I couldn’t be bothered getting up. I’d been up. And up. And up. I’d cuddled her, checked her temperature, given her medicine for her cough, sung to her, and put her back to bed. I’d tried not making a noise when I went in, just holding her to comfort her then putting her back to bed.
But nothing was working. The second I put her down, she started crying again.
I think her sleep through the night programming has come unhinged because she’s been so sick off and on for the past couple of months. And it’s not the only thing to come unhinged. Her mumma seems to have come unhinged too. At the seams.
I’m one of those girls who really needs her sleep. I take my hat off to people who can sail through their days on 4 or 5 hours of sleep. But that’s not me. I need at least 7 hours (although preferably 8) or I’m good for nothing. And not broken hours either. I need hours that all join together in one perfect marriage between me and my bed.
The only thing that seems to short-circuit Bubba’s programming and settles her completely is for me to get her up, turn on the lights and run through her whole bedtime routine again. But then I’m awake. Really wide awake.
My head can hit the pillow at bed time and I’m asleep in a blink. Being a long-term insomniac though, I struggle once I am woken in the night to go back to sleep. Falling asleep at 1am (or 2, 3 or 4:30am) is tough for me. So the compounding effect of the past couple of months is starting to take its toll.
I know Bubba needs me. I’d have her in my bed if I thought that would help, but the only place she seems happy is in my arms if I am standing up, or in her bed if she’s feeling okay. Standing up for hours on end is just not possible for mumma anymore, and the nights seem to go forever.
It’s so hard to see the light when it’s dark.
So I’m putting a call out to our guardian angels: if you could help us all get back to sleeping through the night that would be wonderful.
Oh, and if it’s not too much to ask for, a sleep in past 6am would be awesome too!