For a number of reasons, yesterday was a fairly horrid day.
I was so sick that I had to try very hard not to (a) vomit; and (b) pass out for the better part of the day and night. This morning is no better. Thankfully though, I know this will pass and I will feel okay again soon.
Being a single parent has challenges at the best of times. When you’re sick these challenges are magnified and every little thing threatens to tip you over the edge. It wasn’t really the evening for a complete toddler meltdown. So guessed what happened?
I picked Bubba up from day care and we made it home with me upright. I managed to not throw up or pass out. I got through dinner time for her and the fuzzy loves. Hey, we even made it through bath time unscathed. Pyjamas on? Tick. Bedtime stories selected. Yep.
Then Bubba walked toward her room, stood at the door pointing in the general direction of her room and started to whinge. Within about 20 seconds this had escalated to full scale screaming and arms thrashing about and sobbing, interspersed with no mumma and pushing me away when I tried to get near her. I tried for a few minutes to reason with her, ask her what she wanted, point to everything in her room. And then I gave up, threw her books on my bed and flung myself down too, all the while yelling that if she didn’t stop screaming I couldn’t understand her or what she wanted. Ironic huh?
Suffice it to say it wasn’t either of our best moments. By the time I finally got her to calm down enough to have her bottle (no easy feat when a small person is willing you away with all of their strength and might) and read stories and put her to bed, there had been more tears and angst. From both of us.
She went to bed and I felt horrid. More horrid than I had all day. Sick to my stomach and emotionally wrought that I’d seen what looked like fear on her little face when I yelled. All made feel so much worse because I’m sick and exhausted and stressed.
After she’d been in bed for an hour or so, I went and got her up just so I could hold her in my arms for five minutes, kiss her and cuddle her and tell her how much I love her.
Thankfully, when it finally came time for me to go to bed, this warm fuzzy little body was just waiting for a cuddle. Normally after cuddles, she moves to the end of the bed or the floor, but last night she stayed for a while. One of the many times I woke up, she’d managed to get her paw under my pillow and had it tucked into my hand.
Just to let me know she was there and this feeling too would pass.