Do you ever wonder if the Universe really does have your back?

It’s been a tough few days and I’ve been fighting my anxiety every step of the way. Despite every attempt not to, there has been hot stinging in my eyes as I try to fight the tears. There have been many flocks of winged creatures caged in my chest and elephants sitting on me.

It’s days like these that I can’t help but think: do you ever wonder if the Universe really does have your back?

I believe in fate.
I believe in life’s timing.
I am present.
I am grateful.
I am optimistic.
I am kind and giving.
I believe in the greater picture and that we are all where we are supposed to be at any given moment in time.

But some days – for some minutes – or some hours – I waiver ever so.

What the hell is the Universe be doing to me right now? What {more} lessons am I supposed to be learning about relationships?

Or is the Universe just having a good laugh at me:

Oh you thought that, finally, you might have a relationship
that is worthy of your time and energy?
That it would last and not just be gone in a flash? 

While standing with my feet in the dirt, connected to the earth, breathing to try to release the birds and move the elephant, I’m trying being conscious and aware and present.

But I’m not winning today. I feel paralysed, light headed and foggy. If the earth could swallow me whole I’d let it.

So I’m not winning today.

Not at all.


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There’s a little crack in my heart today

It’s been quiet around here lately. A few of you who are friends on other forms of social media know that we’ve been busy.

School has been busy. Work has taken on some more projects. And I met someone.

Having a romantic interest again after a very long stretch of time without it was a little terrifying as a concept, but in reality it was super easy. Because he was easy to talk to, easy to be with, easy to imagine tomorrow with.

Then, in the middle of a conversation, it was over.

There’s a little crack in my heart today.

There’s also a lot of static in my brain, which I’m going to try really hard to ignore.

I’m going to try not to over analyse my every move and word from the past couple of months. I’m going to try not to wonder about things I said. Things I did.

Yes, I did just repeat myself. My anxiety makes me over analyse everything. Or maybe my over analysis makes me anxious. Either way it’s how I’m wired. I pull the same things apart and look at it from a different angle to see if there’s anything I’ve missed. Anything I could or should have done differently.


I’m going to try really hard to let the Universe play out whatever plan it has, without worrying that I did something wrong. I’m going to try really hard not to cry. I’m going to try really hard to believe that the path I’m on is the path I’m meant to be on.

And I’m going to try really hard to fight my anxiety.

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Wordless Wednesday {my schoolgirl}

Love Bug had her first written homework last night. To be honest, I’m not really a fan of homework in primary school {I’d rather she was playing after a full day of concentrating at school} but it is too cute a milestone not to share.

Hope you are all well. I’ll be back soon with a proper update from our little family!

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A forever kind of love

A friend said goodbye to her beautiful dog earlier this week … after almost 18 years together. 18 years. What a crushing blow to heart and soul that must be.

Hold your furry pals. Tell them you love them. Breathe in the scent of their paws and kiss the top of their fuzzy little heads. Thank them for loving you. Because you just never know.

It’s a forever kind of love.

What a shame their forever and ours are so excruciatingly different.


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I love elephants, I just wish this one would get off my chest

As today is #RuOK day in Australia, it seems an apt time to reblog this post.

I have been feeling like this again the past week or so. There are some reasons known to me, but others evade me. Seemingly September brings out the anxiety in me more than most months. It’s Spring, a time of renewal, a time to get excited for the warmer months ahead. It is also the start of the slide towards year end. A time for reflection of what has happened during the past 12 months. What have I achieved? Have I reached my goals? Have I been the parent I wanted to be?

If only the answer to all of those questions was yes!

So, my friends, are you okay?


I love elephants, I just wish this one would get off my chest

Ah, anxietymy old friend. Or not.

What is it that enables you to creep out from beneath medication, mindfulness, essential oils and a diet that is kind to the earth as well as me?

I love elephants, I just wish this one would get off my chest!

This is how I’ve felt for a couple of days now. There’s an elephant sitting on my chest, and a colony of winged creatures flapping at warp speed beneath the crush. My vision is intermittently blurry. My head feels light. I feel paralysed.

There is no particular reason for it. There are no more stressors in my life than usual. My medication or any of the other armor I use to combat my anxiety hasn’t changed.

There was a full moon last night but the link between lunacy and the lunar cycle has been challenged by many a scientific study, so although I definitely feel…

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Happy veganniversary to me!

Today I have been vegan for a year. In some ways it feels much longer than that, in other ways much shorter. Has it been hard? No. Not at all. A resounding, shouting from the rooftop no. Something in me changed permanently a year ago. The things that have been difficult are not what you would expect.

I don’t miss any food. I may remember what something tasted like {say haloumi cheese} and appreciate the memory of that taste, but now my first response is not pass the lemon wedges and cracked pepper but rather that the cheese is produced in an industry that I no longer want anything to do with.

Explaining to people that this is not a phase, or a diet, rather it is a life choice. It is a choice for my life and the lives of the sentient beings I share this earth with. It is a choice for love and for the earth. For compassion and for peace.

The apologetic look people give waiters when we are dining out and I say I’m vegan. Not being included in some outings because they don’t have vegan options. Here’s the thing: everyone has at least one vegan option. Chefs are generally okay to make you something off menu – or to make you a dish and leave out the meat/fish/dairy. Sure there are exceptions to this rule, but there are exceptions to every rule.

People saying oh sorry when I tell them that I’m vegan. I’m not entirely sure still what they are sorry for. Don’t be sorry for me. I’m so insanely happy with my choice.

One year in and how have I changed?

I have always been an emotional critter, but I seem to feel the weight of things much larger than me a whole lot more than I used to. It’s like my internal eyes have opened fully to the horror that is in the world that we {as humans} can change and I just can’t fathom why so many people refuse to see it. I’m not saying everyone should be vegan. Or maybe I am. What I am saying that humans need to stop burying their collective heads in the sand about our planet and the rate we are destroying it. Or we will have no planet to bury our heads in.

I honestly did not set out to be preachy, but I have never been backward in coming forward with my beliefs and sharing science and research articles that support my thoughts. So if we are social media buddies and you feel like there has been more than you would like to see, look away. Or look closer.

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I had such visions of being one of those skinny, glowing people. How could you not be when you have chosen a plant-based life? I’ll tell you how: by eating pretend food instead of just sticking to the plants! I have eaten a lot of things in the past year that I would never have eaten before. None of the five years I was vegetarian did I ever even think of eating schnitzels or nuggets or any of the other array of vegan substitutes for meat. So I have given it a good attempt and have tried almost all of them. I am now about 10lb more than I was on this day last year. Perhaps I should go back to spending more time at the farmers market and less time in the freezer section in the supermarket?!

I though every vegan on earth would be a nice person. But, like any other group of people, there are some who are not as nice as you would think. There are some who are pretty judgmental of other vegans. I find that really strange. But as a majority, the vegans I’ve met or had any contact with have been just lovely.

And what of Love Bug? She is vegetarian, although at home {and all meals I prepare for her that she takes to school} she is vegan. At this stage in her life it is easier for her to be labelled vegetarian. If she has a play date or sleep over she doesn’t need to worry about bread that might have milk in it, or birthday cake which is made with eggs, and those little things. She is very aware of things though and questions why I might not eat certain things and what happens to the animals. We have some great children’s literature around veganism and we’ll just take her diet one stage at a time. I are across where we may have deficiencies and supplement where I need to.

As for me, I’m very happy to sing happy veganniversary to me today, and will toast with a vegan pinot noir later this evening.

I am vegan. For compassion. For love. For the animals. For the earth.

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Term 3 – are you trying to kill me?

Why didn’t anyone warn me about term 3 of the school year?

Forever {although maybe – hopefully? – only kindergarten} to be known as the Term of crying at the drop of a hat/stomping/answering back/yelling/tired but won’t sleep, too tired to get up/dress myself/get out of the house on time {although only reserved for weekdays; I would welcome this last one on any given Sunday!}/hungry but won’t eat my dinner in less than an hour/get into bed 10 minutes later and be SO STARVING

I could go on, but you get the gist.

For all of the loveliness that this period of Love Bug’s life has brought us, these flip side – nay, dark side antics are killing me. So much that last night I think I actually said these words aloud: Term 3, are you trying to kill me?

Last night was a Monday. An AFD {alcohol free day} generally speaking. And to my credit we all managed to get to bed in one piece and I didn’t crack and open the one and only {very expensive, save for a special occasion} bottle of wine in the house. Although, once there was quiet but heavy sleep breathing emitting from my darling daughter I did think surviving the preceding 3 hours was a special occasion.

At one point during some rant or other, Love Bug paused momentarily and asked where Bella and Beary were. My {very grown up totally responsible adult} response? They are too smart to hang around for this crap – they’ve gone to bed to hide.

Yep, that whoosh you heard was my Mother of the Year nomination floating off in the breeze. I know, I know, to be honest it probably floated off a little earlier in the year, sometime at the end of the first week of January the most likely date.

If only I wasn’t living with a small person who moves about as fast as a Thunderbird walking through molasses, being distracted at each step by heaven knows what! {Kind of like this puppy.}

Term 3 mornings

I’ll leave you with this gorgeous photo of our morning. Hard to not agree that staying at home always looks like the best option!

If only I didn’t have all of those bills to pay…

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