Holding her close and waiting

How I love holding her close.


Waiting for Santa Paws.


My heart may burst.

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If only we could wrap our arms around them

I shared this status on Facebook last night, both on my personal page and on a couple of other group pages I belong to: groups of mothers.

If only we could wrap our arms around them

By the time I woke up this morning a few hundred people had liked my comment and there was an outpouring of similar sentiment. If only we could wrap our arms around them and they could feel all of the mumma love we have to give. I know it would never be the same as their own mumma’s love, but it would be lovely for them to know.

In no way am I diminishing anyone else’s grief or feelings of love and support to Katrina and Tori‘s families. I think it really hit home to me because of the ages of her children. Given the groups on Facebook are mostly mummas with children who are similar ages, I imagine that was what struck a chord with those women too.

I think of Tori’s mumma – how she’ll never hold her baby boy {I’m sure even at 34 he is still her baby boy}; how both of their families will never again hold their son, daughter, mother, wife, partner, sister {this thought knocks the wind out of me}, brother, aunty, uncle, best friends or lovers ever again. As I cuddled Bella and Beary I couldn’t help but wonder if they had pets who will wait loyally for their return.

As I was dressing Love Bug this morning she held on super tight and told me she never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever wants me to go to work so we can always be together. She hasn’t seen one minute of news, but she no doubt feels my angst.

This morning’s further from home news brought us a Taliban attack on a school in Pakistan. Almost all of the 130 dead are children. Mummas on the other side of the world who will never again hold their children. Families torn apart.

No matter where we live in the world, what race we are or our belief system, surely it is our right to expect to see our family at the end of the day?

When are we going to learn to respect each other, respect our differences, choose kindness, peace and over hate?

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There are so many things I want to say

Bella woke me up a little after 2 this morning. She paced the way she does when she wants me to get up – far enough from the bed that I can’t reach out and touch her, but close enough for me to feel the stare. The you need to get up now mumma look.

Why had she woken me? Perhaps she knew I had been fighting sleep all night hoping to hear peaceful news, perhaps she heard the noise? I got up and opened the back door for her, but she just looked at me and walked back inside. I turned the television on and saw the footage of what had happened only moments earlier.

The outcome no-one wanted: a deadly end to the Sydney Siege.

The lives of two hostages cut short for no more than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And the life of the man who took their lives – whether directly or indirectly {at this stage, this information is not publicly known}.

The 16 hour siege in our usually peaceful city was not an act of religion.

The holding of innocent people against their will was not an act of race.

The destruction of those lives was the act of a lone man.

A man who is known to our justice system, who was an accessory to his wife’s murder, was currently bailed facing 40 sexual {and has a spate of other} offences.

A man whose criminal history makes me wonder why on earth he was not only walking freely in our city, but carrying a firearm.

In a situation like this we humans have a need to blame someone or something. To compartmentalise what has happened so we can process it and start to move forward.

For the second time this year I have been forced to wonder at our justice system and the ability of offenders to make bail. In particular sexual offenders. Under The Bail Act 2013 {introduced May 2014} the bail authority must consider the presumption of innocence and the general right to liberty of the accused when determining whether they are an unacceptable risk.

Section 17{2} of the Act sets out the following unacceptable risks for a bail authority to consider:

  1. that the accused will fail to appear in any proceedings for the offence,
  2. commit a serious offence,
  3. endanger the safety of victims, individuals or the community, or
  4. interfere with witnesses or evidence.

Surely this man {whose name I am not going to use because he has had more than enough media coverage} should have been considered an unacceptable risk to our society? While not blaming the justice system entirely, I certainly think they have a lot to answer to in this instance.

My heart breaks for all involved in the siege yesterday. For those who lost their lives, and for those who have to live personally with the horror for the rest of their lives. For our police and rescue community who were exemplary.

Australia is the beautiful country it is because of its multiculturalism. Because we have people of all races, religions and belief systems living under our big blue sky. Because of our mateship.


Although the landscape changed yesterday, I hope we keep our focus on the joy brought to us through diversity, not the horror brought to us by the lone act of one evil man.

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Can you see the resemblance?

An ENORMOUS HUGE GINORMOUS thank you to my amazing mumma for her tireless help and humour always, but particularly over the past few days. Almost every box is unpacked and my sanity is {barely} intact.

The most important part of the weekend could begin: the tree! Love Bug and I chose a tree, bought a few new ornaments {because that’s what you do when you have an almost-4 year old} and lugged our very big beautiful tree home for some decorating fun.

Michael Buble crooning, fuzzy loves supervising from the couch, we set about decorating our tree. And singing. And dancing. And giggling. And generally just having a lovely time.

There will be tree decorating phase two as some of the ornaments need some new string so we can hang them.

our tree

My favourite part? Aside from each time I unwrapped one of the ornaments I’ve had for years Love Bug exclaiming: oh mumma, I love that one, it’s so beautiful was when I unwrapped the angel.

Mumma that one is really really beautiful. What is that one for?

Can you see the resemblance?That’s the angel Love Bug.
Oh mumma, that one is you. You are the angel.
No, I’m not kidding. Where did she come from? She’s the best!

out takesLove those critters to bits and pieces.


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Silent Sunday {Tetris}

Little wonder I woke up exhausted!


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Mumma, you’re doing it wrong

Love Bug had a great time unpacking her boxes in the kitchen. So much so that I wondered what I’d done wrong. I certainly didn’t have that much fun.


Maybe for the next room I’ll wear Love Bug antennae, carry a Love Bug wand, have some furry company and take time to pop bubbles in the bubble wrap?

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Groundhog Day

And we’re off! I have my three loves and my ‘dancing shoes’ – what more does a mumma need?





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