This morning I started the process of painting bub’s cot. I’m lucky that friends have given me a lovely sleigh cot, but – in my usual Martha-esque manner – I am painting it to transform it from plain timber to antique white. In doing all that I can to brighten up her room, as many basic white pieces as possible are going in. Then we can accessorise!

Anyone who ever thinks they are going to enter into this journey I’m on would want to be happy with their own company and totally able to do it all alone. Despite being assured by almost everyone when you talk about taking this journey that they will be there to help you every step of the way, the reality is that everyone has their own life and is busy. At the end of the day, you do 98% of it alone.

That really hit me this morning while I was painting. It’s hard not to be disappointed and feel sad. I’m missing my daddy more at the moment. I really wish he was here to help with things like painting and putting furniture together. Just when I was having a few tears about that (not so helpful to paint through tears!) Michael Jackson’s You Are Not Alone came on my iPod. I’ll take that as a sign that my guardian angel is with me – even if I can’t see him.