Valium with a red wine chaser

Last night for dinner I had a 2mg Valium tablet. And I washed it down with a glass of red wine. Now don’t go getting all worried about me – if I had a real problem, I wouldn’t be writing about it here for all the world (well, some of it at least!) to see, would I? I’m just sharing my honest account about how frigging difficult parenthood (in my case single parenthood) is some days, and how there are times when it comes very close to doing your head in.

What I have is a toddler who – for some unknown reason – has spent the past couple of days driving her mumma na-na. Not all the time, mind you. She’s still her happy, gorgeous, cuddly little self when she wants to be. She eats her food happily and never grizzles – when she’s at day care. She goes to sleep when she’s meant to – while she’s at day care.

But for the past two nights, putting her to bed has been a revolting drama. My delightful child who has always gone to sleep within a few minutes of going to bed, has turned into a screaming, thrashing nightmare.

We haven’t changed our bed time routine. It’s still the same. The only thing that’s changed is that for the past three days she’s only had one daytime sleep. And it’s obviously not long enough to get her through the rest of the waking hours. So she’s probably over-tired. And explaining overtired to an overtired toddler doesn’t work. In fact, nothing seemed to work. Nothing I tried. Nada. Not one thing. At all.

I put her to bed and left her there for a while crying. I went in every little while to rescue from the floor puppy and bunny, who she sleeps with – along with her dummy – and put them back into her bed. I laid her down and patted her back. I tried to soothe her. In the end last night, she fell asleep in my arms sitting in armchair in her room (and is is where she finally fell asleep again a little after three this morning). But this is not something I’m keen to encourage (as much as I love the extra cuddles and kisses).

That all sounds so simple, but when dragged out over an hour, accompanied by fever pitch screaming, at the end of a working day, when I still had a million jobs to do – it was anything but simple.

At one point I closed my bedroom door then my ensuite door and turned the taps on so I couldn’t hear her screaming. I stomped my feet and had my own little tantrum. Because I needed to. Because I don’t understand what’s wrong. Because it feels so unfair to get the crap end of the stick. I know I signed up for it, and all parents feel it at some point, but I just feel really put out by it at the moment.

Bubba had been perfectly fine when I arrived at day care to pick her up, only for her mood to go downhill in the four minutes it took to walk home from there. She was happy to see the dogs, and wanted to be put down. But then wanting to be picked up. Until she was up that is. Not wanting anything she wanted a moment before.

On Sunday she had a complete melt down out of the middle of nowhere in the middle of the market. I was that mother, the one who can’t control her screaming thrashing child.

Then there’s the middle of the night. The past two nights we’ve had 60 and 90 minute screaming sessions (at 3am and 2am). Again, I tried everything I could think of to appease her and help her. Very little worked.

This, from a child who eats only food that I make, which is mostly organic. Who doesn’t eat anything processed and doesn’t eat sugar. I really hope this phase is physiological and not behavioural.

I know this is a bump and it too will pass. Her inscisor teeth will come through and the pain will go. Or she’ll wait a little longer to fully transition to one day time sleep so she’s less over tired.

Or some other miracle will happen.

By the time I finally got her to sleep last night, my nerves were frayed. The poor dogs were on the couch as close to the back door as they could manage – probably for a quick exit should their mumma totally loose her marbles. I had a mountain of things to do, because my family are coming for dinner tonight for my mumma’s birthday.

So I did what I knew was the right thing for me: I ignored the fact that I should be cleaning the house (and the floors – which look a lot like carpet there is so much dog hair on the floorboards!), and instead I put on some music, had my baby valium and a glass of wine, and cooked.

So tonight, even if everything goes to hell in a handbasket while I’m trying to put Bubba to bed, at least we’ll be enjoying risotto with root vegetables, sage and marscapone and following it up with my made-up-in-my-head version of key lime pie with maple crust. And we’ll be washing it down with a glass of French bubbles.

Even if the floors are still a mess.

Happy birthday to my Mumma!

valium with a red wine chaser

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Bea b says:

    Oh I needed that! thank you! Our bubba’s are almost exactly the same age, and we’re rediscovering 3am too… it hurts!

    1. I promised myself when I started blogging that I’d talk about the bumpy as well as the smooth parts of becoming and being a mumma. We all know deep down that we’re not alone in what we’re going through – but it sure feels like it at 3am. Paws crossed our little loves go back to sleeping through the night – soon! Thanks for visiting & taking the time to comment 🙂

  2. Bassas Blog says:

    Oh dear, I really feel for you. Tall person remembers those times very well and says that they do pass but at the time you think you are trapped in a surreal nightmare. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to talk it through with a toddler, which makes it even more frustrating for you and for her. Bubba is unable to articulate how she feels so she expresses herself in raw emotion. I know you will both pull though this bumpy patch xx

    1. Thanks for your support Bassa & Tall Person! x

  3. tylersat99 says:

    All three of my kids needed 4 hour naps a day until they went to kindergarten. That sounds like a long time but they would wear themselves out when awake. If they missed any of that nap they got really exhausted and very emotional by bed time. Your could just watch them ad realize it was going to be a bad night. They did not cry that many years just until they were better at telling us what was wrong. My last had colic and use to cry from his 5 o’clock meal until early morning everyday that was a nightmare. I know how exhausting that is but it will get better.

    1. Thanks. It’s so easy to think you’re the only one going through it, but I’ve had so many calls and messages from friends and blog-world friends that I know it will pass. Mind you, it didn’t feel like that between 12:30 and 4:45 this morning!! Let’s hope for a better night tonight.

      1. tylersat99 says:

        Hope tonight will be much better. I have to say that when my youngest had colic my pediatrician told me not to worry everyone outgrows colic before they go to college!!

  4. Aileen Brede says:

    Must be an age thing. my 2.5yr old is going through similar behaviour hurdles, and it is def so frustrating. I too feel like I am a single mum majority of the time as my husband works 6 long days a week, and also travels a lot with work, so its just me & my son to deal with whatever he seems to throw at me. I had a ‘I cannot deal with this child any longer’ moment on a few days this week, also being 6months pregnant makes it extra difficult when all I want him to do is leave me alone for 5min in the day, or stop asking me ‘what r u doing mummy’ every 5 sec, otherwise its crying and screaming at me, and I am sure most of the time it is because he is bored, being together just the two of us 6 x days a week I def run out of ways to entertain him (especially in boring Canberra!!), so anyway the point I am trying to get at is to firstly say ‘thank you’ for sharing your tough times with us, it makes those like me going through similar that we are not alone, and when we have really bad days like we have had, hopefully a really good day (like I am having today, and yesterday, even if I am sleep deprived also due to 12am + 3am wakeups) is just around the corner xxx

    1. That was an old post, I think she was only around 18 months then … but there are definitely still days like that, they’re just different challenges. I work full time and even I would like some time alone. You know, maybe even just to pee 🙂 Thanks for reading along with us and sharing your mumma journey with me. If we ever get to Canberra, we’ll catch up for a coffee! xox

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