I feel like a bad mumma today.
Last night I lay in bed and listened to Bubba cry for what seemed like forever. Not because I wanted her to cry. Not because I couldn’t be bothered getting up. I’d been up. And up. And up. I’d cuddled her, checked her temperature, given her medicine for her cough, sung to her, and put her back to bed. I’d tried not making a noise when I went in, just holding her to comfort her then putting her back to bed.
But nothing was working. The second I put her down, she started crying again.
I think her sleep through the night programming has come unhinged because she’s been so sick off and on for the past couple of months. And it’s not the only thing to come unhinged. Her mumma seems to have come unhinged too. At the seams.
I’m one of those girls who really needs her sleep. I take my hat off to people who can sail through their days on 4 or 5 hours of sleep. But that’s not me. I need at least 7 hours (although preferably 8) or I’m good for nothing. And not broken hours either. I need hours that all join together in one perfect marriage between me and my bed.
The only thing that seems to short-circuit Bubba’s programming and settles her completely is for me to get her up, turn on the lights and run through her whole bedtime routine again. But then I’m awake. Really wide awake.
My head can hit the pillow at bed time and I’m asleep in a blink. Being a long-term insomniac though, I struggle once I am woken in the night to go back to sleep. Falling asleep at 1am (or 2, 3 or 4:30am) is tough for me. So the compounding effect of the past couple of months is starting to take its toll.
I know Bubba needs me. I’d have her in my bed if I thought that would help, but the only place she seems happy is in my arms if I am standing up, or in her bed if she’s feeling okay. Standing up for hours on end is just not possible for mumma anymore, and the nights seem to go forever.
It’s so hard to see the light when it’s dark.
So I’m putting a call out to our guardian angels: if you could help us all get back to sleeping through the night that would be wonderful.
Oh, and if it’s not too much to ask for, a sleep in past 6am would be awesome too!
bumpyroadtobubba 
I imagine that I’m sleeping. I let the noises of the night that are keeping me awake rush through me and pretend that I’m dreaming them. It’s not sleep, but it helps me survive when I can’t sleep. Poppy Grace is such a beautiful name!
Thank you (on both counts)!
That’s too bad that you’re struggling with this. I feel for you, momma. There have been times in my momma-life when I’ve been quite catatonic due to lack of sleep.This too shall pass, right?
It will … soon I hope!
You just need to find a nice little spot and curl up with your nose under your tail!! Always works for me, I like under the desk or in the middle of the room! Good luck
Good advice Dalton! I’m curled up on the couch now between Bella + Beary so that should help 🙂
Sweet dreams!
Thank you for sharing your story. Your little Poppy is just beautiful, and as a fellow mumma, I relate to so much of what you write. We too have had sleepless nights recently after a month of illness, and I have been in your shoes, lying in bed, listening to my wee one cry after exhausting all attempts at settling. It won’t last forever… before you know it, she’ll be a brilliant sleeper once again. You are doing a wonderful job and Poppy is lucky to have a mumma who loves her so much!
Thanks for visiting Gen and sharing our story. And for the mumma vote of confidence. It’s so heartbreaking to listen to them cry. I’ve never been one to let her cry, but I know we need to break this waking cycle. So for now we cry in separate rooms and I go in as infrequently as I can. I hope it passes soon! x
You could never be a bad Mumma. You just did the most difficult thing a Mumma could do because it was best for your little girl. Besides doing yourself a favor trying to get back to nighttime sleeping, you’re doing Bubba an even bigger favor. Many guardian angels (and a sleep fairy or two) are being sent your way…
Thank you – it’s so hard to feel like I’m doing the right thing when we’re both so sad. Sleep fairies and guardian angels appreciated!
I hope you and Bubba can get back to a regular schedule soon. I don’t think you are a bad mumma, just a tired mumma!
Poor Mumma 😦 I am sending you a big Bassa hug xoxoxoxoxoxo
Thanks Bassa, I’ll take all of the big beautiful fuzzy cuddled I can get right now! xox