I tried not to cry this morning, but I sure felt like it.

When I was weaning Bubba last year, we had a few days like this, but it felt different this morning.

I got Bubba’s warm sleepy body out of bed and pulled her in for a big cuddle and kiss and she pushed me away (gently, as if that makes it any easier to take!) and said no mumma.

Gulp.

What do you mean no mumma? Where’s my morning kiss and cuddle. In fact, where are my loads of morning kisses and cuddles?

She wasn’t grumpy. She wasn’t sad. She said good morning to Bella and Beary (and gave Apollo a kiss before she put him back in her bed). She was chatting away, happy to get dressed and talking about her new pretty shoes.

But she just wasn’t ready for kisses and cuddles with me. As much as that felt like a knife through my heart, I know that I have to respect her space and boundaries. If and when she feels like giving me a kiss and a cuddle this morning, she will.

I know she’s becoming her own person. And just because I want to give her lots of love twenty-four hours each day, doesn’t necessarily mean she wants that too. Well, not always.

Lucky for me I have two furry loves who were quite happy to get extra cuddles before I left for work today. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t have been able to hold back my tears. Especially when Bubba told them she loved them as we were leaving home.

My time for kisses and cuddles finally came, but it took thirty minutes from the time I got her out of bed {an eternity}! I got a kiss and cuddle when I was putting her in the car. And a love you mumma for good measure. When I got her out of the car at daycare she asked carry? and I got more kisses and cuddles.

I do get an extraordinary amount of love from her, but it’s not always like this photo.

I know the older she gets the more we are going to have moments like this morning so I need to toughen up.

But I don’t want to!