Things that no-one knows. No-one but me.

Bella and Beary are going away on Friday. For three weeks. Three. Weeks. Not hours, not days, but weeks. I have only ever been away from Bella for that long once in 2008, and have never been away from Beary for more than 6 nights {when I was in hospital having Love Bug}. So three weeks feels like an eternity. I’m sure it will for them also.

I’ll write more about it when they come back, but will at this point just say that they are going to stay with an amazing dog psychologist – who I have been following for a number of years – to have their separation anxiety and protection detail issues sorted out. I’m looking forward to the days I can take them both everywhere with us again. I want to be able to walk them to school to pick up Love Bug.

But I’m fretting about being away from them. There are things about them that no-one knows. No-one but me. Little nuances of personality. Things I notice and love about them. Like these:

How many kisses from gadoonk to tip of nose? {11 for Bella and 14 for Beary.}

my fuzzy soulmate

How long after I say cuddle {and you flip your entire body weight onto mine then scooch down for a cuddle} I need to move away ever so slightly so you don’t overheat and leave my side for the cool floor. {Bella}

That I can rub/scratch/kiss any part of you, but I need to be careful of your back right hip and only in moments of absolute relaxation am I allowed to gently touch your front paws – particularly your left one. {Beary}

That you know as soon as the alarm goes off I will hit snooze at least once – it’s your chance to sneak up for one more spoon cuddle before we face our day. That you move around until you’re just so then you sigh – a sure sign that you have found your comfy place. You have also figured out that if you snuggle up to me straight away, there is a much higher chance I will hit snooze at least once more. Because: Beary love. Hello!

That you have the happiest tail of any dog I’ve met and I can hear it thud on any hard surface at the other end of the house when you think I might be coming your way. The closer I get to you, or if I say your name, it thuds with such reckless abandon that I fear you may break it, or whatever it is thumping against. {Bella}

You sleep on her bed during the day when she’s at kindy. Or just in her room. There’s no denying it because I can see both kinds of coat left behind. You used to only sleep on my bed, but now you like to breathe her in as well. I get it. Completely.

my three loves

The nudge nuance … that certain nudges mean certain things like: move over, another means what are you doing with that lazy hand right there when it could be patting my head. The nudge and dance combo that means it’s approximately two hours after dinner time and – in your world – that’s just about the perfect time for a late night snack. Just a cookie or two will do. {Beary}

That I must be afraid of the dark. Or the toilet. Maybe it’s the flush I’m scared of. Because I am never, ever allowed to go without my two-dog security detail. Hey, if I’m sitting down, I may as well use those hands for some patting or scratching, right?

That watching television is not just for humans. Particularly when there are animals on the screen, although Bella seems to prefer to watch dogs and horses, Beary’s enthusiasm stretches to the whole animal kingdom. Except reptiles. He will literally turn away if they’re on the screen.

That you know. That you always know. I know you know everything about how your little human sister and I are feeling. At all times. You know when we need love, when we need you all up in our grills, and when we need you, but we just need to know you’re close by. For that we love you both more than you’ll ever know.

That my anxiety is more manageable with you around. I was having an afternoon where my anxiety was heading at warp speed to a panic attack and what kept it at bay was the pair of you. To come home and lay with my face buried in soft fur, holding paws and stroking velveteen ears helps me. You have rescued me over and over.

That stepping backwards will result in a yelp {Beary} or a soft paw underfoot {Bella} if I don’t check first when backing away from the bench in the kitchen. That the yelp will be followed through by scooting away quickly, but the soft paw underfoot will expect that I walk around you.

That you love to lay on the bathroom floor with your belly pressed against the bathtub for extra cool, but you love nothing more than laying out in the hot hot sun. {Bella}

That you will line up for a rubdown – even if you were not the one who has been out in the rain. Why give up the opportunity for a belly rub, right? {Bella}

That I may get a bigger bed while you are gone. Because I really don’t mind sharing, it’s just that I’d like to occasionally not sleep doing a great impersonation of some letter of the alphabet.

When you wake up from a deep sleep and giving me ‘that’ look. I may never know what you were dreaming but I recognise that mumma I need a cuddle look too well. And am always happy to oblige. {Beary}

my favourite boy

If I’ve made a chair warm by sitting on it and happen to get up, the warm spot is yours. You know, because your coat isn’t warm at all! {Beary}

If I put a pile of fresh washing somewhere, it will be laid on instantly. {Bella}

If I lay clothes out for work, or for Love Bug, you will all but cover them. This has been going on forever, and yet I think you hope every day that this will be the day I can’t find the clothes and therefore have to stay home with you. {Beary}

The lean. Whether I’m cleaning my teeth, standing at the dryer or washing machine, doing my makeup or have for any reason stopped still for more than a few seconds. The feel of your warm furry body pressed against the front or back of my legs. The security in knowing we are there for each other. {Bella}

That smell on the top of your heads? It is Marc Jacobs signature fragrance. It’s what your mumma has worn for years.

Each lump, bump and scar that may be hiding under either of your gorgeous coats. What caused them, how big they are, whether they have grown, shrunk and how you feel if I touch them.

Love Bug said to me this morning: Mumma, I’m really going to miss Bella and Beary while they are away. Maybe we could bring one of the puppies from the shelter to stay with us so the puppy gets some love and we do too?

In theory, I adore that idea {and even more the fact that she had it!}. In practice, have any of you met Beary, my most recently fostered dog?

But I’m going to miss them too. A LOT.

Maybe we could just check to see if there are any dogs with no other options …

12 Comments Add yours

  1. rumpydog says:

    I know this is going to be much harder on you and Love Bug than it is for them. It will work.

    1. I sure hope so. I’m so worried they will think I’ve abandoned them.

      1. rumpydog says:

        Nah. It will be good. Really.

  2. Your mom knows it all, B and B. She is inside your heads. And you’re inside her heart. That’s where you’ll all stay till you’re all back together safe and sound.

    Love and licks,

    1. She must have a pretty big heart! B&Bx

  3. Jennifer Williams says:

    It will be hard but hopefully in the long run it will help and bring your family even closer: if that’s possible. More importantly hope you are ok during this time without your fur babies xx

  4. Wow… I can feel the love and now have a sore neck from nodding in agreement to every paragraph.
    Good work Bella and Beary. X
    I had a three week holiday a few years ago; the reunion at the end is marvelous (my sister filmed my dogs coming back home to find me and I looovvve watching it.

    1. I may have to get on a plane and come for some puppy love! I just put Poppy to bed & she cried because they aren’t here. The house is ghostly quiet 😢

      1. Yep and you keep expecting them to walk into the room? Everything is different when their not home. Everything. Enjoy your time away. X

  5. Bongo says:

    I’ll send you lots of extra slobbery kisses to help you get by until Bella and Beary come back home. I’ll miss them too.

  6. dogdaz says:

    Wow. That is a serious amount of time to be away at doggie training school, but I guess they need to break them of the habits before they can come back home. I think you will need many stuffed animals in the bed to help with the loneliness.

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