That niggling feeling of uncertainty in the pit of my stomach

It would be lovely to have someone here. I was feeling really down last night and this morning. I heard that a girl I’d been to school with had died of an aneurism during the week and what a sad time it was for her husband and family. Of course she’d have a husband and family. Most people my age do. I’m getting close to 40 for Heaven’s sake!

What went wrong with my grand plan? Save for a couple of short term and one best not spoken about long distance attachments, I’ve been single for the better part of a decade.

I love whole-heartedly, am a wonderful daughter and sister, fabulous companion to my four-legged furry soul mate and a great friend. I live by the mantra: random acts of kindness – try to perform one every day. I’ve done charity work – not just fund-raising, but hands on – with children and homeless people. I donate to the RSPCA and am a steadfast advocate of being kind to our planet and those (both 2- and 4-legged) who we share it with. I bake. I take pride in my home and in my appearance. I have always said I will make a wonderful wife and mother. Ask me as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up? A mother. Nothing changed over the next 30+ years. That is, until about 6 months ago.

All of a sudden I wasn’t so sure. The realisation was a huge blow. Maybe I was just having a bad day? I had a busy job. I had been working some crazy hours. I don’t sleep particularly well and it had been a while since I’d had a holiday. Maybe I was just tired? That must be it. My friends have children. I love them. I love newborn babies. I flew across the country as soon as I could to meet one of my best friend’s new baby girl. She was a week old. I stayed for a few days but fell instantly in love the first moment I held her in my arms.

But still, there’s that feeling in my stomach…

One Comment Add yours

  1. jhwilliams70 says:

    Ha ha! This is great! So entertaining and it is all true!!!

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