Cramps, cramps, cramps. I wish they would go away. I panic every time I feel the slightest twinge, and the slightest twinge is fairly constant today and has been for the past almost 2 weeks. Ugh, I want this scary part to be over. Although, I have to wonder if it’s not all scary?

I spent Sunday in hospital (after a bleed Saturday night and another Sunday morning) had an ultrasound first thing this morning, saw the heartbeat (very exciting – 160bpm) so they said all looked fine, but have just started bleeding again – different this time, much heavier and feels like a period.

God, why is this all so effing difficult? It’s right now that I really wish I had someone to hold onto me and tell me everything is going to be okay. And to be there for me even if everything turns out not to be okay. I know there’s absolutely nothing the doctors can do so there is no point going to the hospital. I might as well just go home to my own bed and hopefully get some sleep.

I’m so scared.