It’s no news that Bubba hasn’t been well.
Nights are hardest when you have a cold. This has definitely been the case in our home for the past few nights. Two hourly wake ups (at their longest stretch) have taken me back to the first 10 weeks of Love Bug’s life.
But back then I didn’t have to go to out into the real world, deal with public transport, work and function like a responsible grown up. I didn’t even have to leave the house if I didn’t want to!
I wear my heart on my sleeve at the best of times. I could never play poker. Whatever I am feeling is obvious. This is even more so when I’m tired. And I passed tired about a month ago.
So this morning when my manager (who, it should be pointed out at this point, is a boy) asked me for a baby wipe to clean the spilt coffee from his shirt because ‘it looks like I’m lactating‘, horror took over my being.
I put my head in my hands, started to cry and laugh at the same time.
Laugh because it has to be a joke my mind is playing on me.
Cry because it’s not.
When I stumbled out of bed for the final time, I gave Bubba her breakfast: organic spelt bread toasted with organic honey. It was her first taste of honey on toast, and she loved it. So did Bella and Bear! Bubba seemed thirsty and drank a lot of water.
Probably because I forgot to feed her this morning.
Forgot. To. Feed. My. Bubba.
Forgot to take her warm, just woken up body out of bed and hold her to me to feed her the sustenance she needs to start her day.
How on earth could I have done that?
How do you forget to feed your baby? I only breastfeed her once each day now. It’s not too much to try to remember, surely?
I feel sick. She is 14 months old today. Exhaustion claimed me and I didn’t do my fundamental mumma job.
I just forgot and now I am wracked with guilt. More guilt to add to the mother guilt pile.
Is forgetting to feed your bubba grounds to have my Mumma card revoked?
14 Comments Add yours
We do hope you and Bubba both start feeling better!!! We can’t imagine how you are feeling about forgetting to feed dear Bubba but take comfort in knowing you are and always have been a wonderful mother!
Sending lots of prayers and strength your way during this tough time! On another note, Happy 14-month Birthday, Bubba!!!
Deanna and the Crew 🙂
Thanks lovely! x
No, definitely NOT grounds for revocation. Bubba survived just fine I’m guessing. You, on the other hand, need a good night’s sleep.
You are right – I absolutely need a good night’s sleep. Do you think anyone would notice if I had a nap under my desk at work?
I started back to work when my baby was 8 weeks old. I breastfeed until she was 10 months old. I would find myself pumping in the weirdest places (like airport bathrooms). Finally I realized that though I can do Anything, I can not do Everything (I read that quote somewhere today, it is not original). It is scary but though it is the first thing you may have forgotten, it will not be last. Your blog shows a loving and devoted Mum. Cut yourself a break. Worst case you gave her something to talk to her therapist about when she is 35. – DogDaz
Thanks for your support – I love that quote, and may have to use it to remind myself occasionally!
First of all I love, love, love reading your blog and hearing about your journey as a new mum and second of all nobody is perfect.
From reading your posts it is obvious what a wonderful, loving mother you are to Bubba and her furry siblings.
Mums put far too much pressure on themselves to be perfect and I think you should cut yourself some slack because it sounds as though you are doing an amazing job.
When my little one arrives (13 weeks to go – eek) I hope I can do just as an amazing job.
My only complaint is now you have me craving honey on toast 😉
Thank you so much for visiting, loving my blog, and being supportive! It is a tough gig this motherhood – with or without a partner to help. But it really is the most phenomenally amazing and rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I’m sure you’ll love it and take to it like a duck to water. Enjoy this last couple of months. Get as much sleep and see as many movies (in the air conditioned comfort of gold class cinema!) as you possibly can between now and when your bubba arrives. Hmmm, honey toast – both me and Bubba’s aunty LOVE our honey toast so I’m sure there will be many mornings of honey toast and cups of tea ahead of us.
You are doing a good job…mummas who don’t care wouldn’t feel guilty…God bless…
Oh my….. you are a wonderful mommy and there is no parent out there who has not done something similar. One thing we learned a long time ago is that by the time we finally perfected the parent role our children were fully grown…. you know Bubba loves you and would definitely not want you to feel bad… so smile and accept a hug from each of our collies and listen to us as we give you a standing ovation for being the wonderful mommy you are! We have proof how good of a mommy you are from your falling underneath Bubba on the street to save her to running to save her from falling off the steps… YOU ARE A GREAT MOMMY!
Your cheering friends,
the collies and chuck 🙂
Things will get better. It is just so difficult to believe that when you are so tired. Tall person remembers when he was new father and way beyond tired. It does, somehow, get better. You are a fantastic mom – just ask Bubba!
Aww no your a great Mother! I have 5 children & have left 1 behind at the park once. I was distraught! My husband once forgot to pick one of our sons & one of our daughters up from soccer. It was raining, our poor babies!