Let’s fast forward a few months to the letter

There was a man. An older man. Someone I worked with. Someone on paper I would never have dated. Someone I should never have had a relationship with, not the least because he had also just started a relationship with someone else – in another state, the state where he lived most of the time. If only I’d known! After three months of incredibly strong feelings and a lot of time spent with this man, I realised I was going to have to be the one to end it. I found the impetus I needed to end it. I had to take the biggest step forward in my life. And I couldn’t do that while being anything other than number one. At one point he had said to me if you’re pregnant it will be okay. No it won’t be – and not because I hadn’t grown to love the man I was looking at – but because I’ve chosen to take this road alone over the option of having a baby with someone who I’m not in a committed relationship with.

So, this week last year my diary entry was …

I don’t really ever do things by halves! What a crazy week I’m having. I’ve written and sent, although he hasn’t yet received, a letter ending our relationship. I need to make room in my life for me and my bub. I need physical and emotional space for the next part of this journey. And I need to not give any more of me to someone who is less than worthy of that precious gift. I need to prioritise me for a change. Nurture me instead of nurturing those around me. After I hung up from speaking with him last night, I cried. I am going to miss him so much and writing that letter and letting him go is so not what I want to do but it is what I need to do for now. I hope with my whole heart that he realises how amazing our life together could be and comes back wanting me in his life. But only if he’s severed all ties elsewhere. I need to be – and deserve to be – the only woman in his life. He either will or he won’t – and if he doesn’t, it will be his very great loss!

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