I can’t love Beary

I’m sharing this because it’s really starting to stress me out. A couple of weeks ago, we were talking at home and I gave Beary a cuddle and said I love you Beary. To which Bubba pipes up: I can’t love Beary.

Now, I know she loves Beary. Obviously. She gives him tickles and cuddles. She shares her peas {and the kid LOVES her peas and doesn’t give them away easily}. She talks about him and Bella when we’re almost home, and runs to them as soon as the front door is open.

She reads him stories.

i can't love beary

But I can’t shake the awful feeling I get each time she says it. I can’t love Beary. I’ve tried telling her that will make Beary sad. I’ve told her it makes me sad {breaks my heart would be more the point}. I’ve told her it’s not nice. That it’s mean. She’s not saying it with any malice, rather just a statement. Sometimes she smiles when she says it.

But she keeps saying it. It’s like she’s now saying it for effect, so this past weekend I tried ignoring it, but she repeated it until I responded. As I held my hands over Beary’s ears so he couldn’t hear her.


I am all ears to anyone who may have been through anything similar. Is it really Beary, is it my reaction, does she know what she’s saying or not? She’s 28 months, and there’s nothing in the books about when your child says she doesn’t love one of your dogs.

Sad and confused mumma. All advice gladly received.

15 Comments Add yours

  1. Mutiny Mama says:

    Maybe she’s worried about sharing her love or yours. Just a thought. Maybe you could remind her that love is many things to many different people and there’s always plenty to go round. 🙂

    1. We do talk about loving lots of people {and anipals} but will that’s an interesting thought.

  2. crazymom1386 says:

    Just a thought but have you asked her why she says she can’t love him? Maybe also tell her that there are all different types of love. Other than that I have no idea but I wouldn’t want to make her feel guilty for not saying she loves him. You could always react with the Well he loves you anyways. Hope this helps.

    1. I did ask her why and she said ‘I just can’t so I said he still loves you {and mumma and Bella} lots and I’ll love him enough for both of us.

  3. Sage says:

    Can she tell you why she can’t love Beary? What about Bella? Is it something she’s repeating from someone she’s been around–daycare, a friend? I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Hopefully it’s something passing and she’ll realize there’s love to go all around.

    1. No she can’t tell me why. I hope it’s just a phase! It is only Beary, not Bella she’s said it about. I’m just giving them all lots of loves {not that that’s anything new}.

  4. I thought the punch line to this story would be that she meant YOU can’t love Beary, because you have to love her. This is so out of character, I don’t see how it’s anything more than a phase. I would definitely try not to respond, in case it is just for effect.

    1. It is out of character, and feels like it’s for effect but I needed to put it out there to see what you guys thought!

  5. At 28 months she is probably just stringing her words together . . . and that makes for a lot of misunderstood sentences simply because they don’t know exactly what they are saying. One of ours used to say they hated everything. And then when they learned what the word meant – never heard it again.

    1. A girlfriend said today that her little one is saying he hates something that he really loves today too! He’s the same age as Love Bug.

  6. Dalton says:

    Sorry I can’t think of anything!! I did assume to begin with that it was a can’t reach to love beary! Tells her if she doesn’t love him we will happily have him come live with us!! Big hugs for Mumma!

    1. As much as he would love zoomies and loves at your house Dalton, he could only come for a visit. We love him too much to ever let him be away from us! Mumma says thanks for the hugs though 🙂

  7. Nikki says:

    How baffling that is Mumma. I wish I had a toddler so I could try to make sense of it also. My hunch also is that this is for effect, probably the first time she said this she recognised a reaction or body language response & around the 2yr old mark toddlers are testing their newly found sense of independence, which includes testing their limits, boundary pushing and gauging what reactions they get in response. Bubbas actions show that she does love Beary, so try not to take this to heart (although we all so feel you, it is heart breaking of course), but I suspect Bubba may be fascinated that she gets a reaction to this statement and it is something new & different, perhaps empowering & it’s just age related. I remember at a similar age my mum brought me a stuffed monkey and I told her ‘i hated it’ although I loved it, but it got a reaction that felt new & interesting & i’m sure that most of those ‘terrible two’ moments are necessary learning experiences to test out how Mumma reacts. Bubbas highly perceptive, if she perceived any strong reaction, however well veiled it would be something she would ‘test’ again (rather than her really not loving Beary.. you know Bubba, she has to stop & pat every passing kitty, gets sad when saying goodbye to dinosaurs lol.. Bubba loves Beary a lot really & I feel confident this will pass, you’ve raised Bubba to be so kind & it’s her nature to be loving also). Much love from your blog followers though, it is very sad to hear it & I honestly am baffled too, not being a Mumma – but I did study early developmental psychology in 1st yr uni & I remember that around age 2 children assert their ego strongly as a way of trying to feel their way in the world, establish independence, and getting reactions by deliberately pushing boundaries is part of that. Bubba can tell this statement gets Mumma to react a certain way & likely gives her some power as a result, the power probably feels like a rush & a new feeling rather than meaning to be hurtful. This is my take anyway – thank you for sharing because undoubtedly somewhere some other Mumma is going through something similar & is equally baffled. When Bubba is a little older it’ll be nice to ask about this, it is certainly out of character for such a loving little girl. Best of luck. She does love Beary, this is obvious to everyone – your home has a lot of love. Bubbas just being a 2yr old me thinks. xox.

    1. It is baffling. She said it again tonight and I told her that I loved Beary enough for both of us and kept doing what I was doing. 30 seconds later something happened and she was on the floor with both of the dogs showing concern for each of them. I’m currently writing tomorrow’s blog about it. She cares. She loves him and the more I hear today, the more messages, stories, and responses I’ve had today make me think it’s the reaction she gets when she says it! xx

  8. Loz says:

    I want to say it’s a phase, well at least I hope it is.

    I know, not much help but I have it the other way around. One of my three dogs does not like my 18mth baby. Won’t attack him just rather not be around him. Been like it since day one. Its rather heart breaking.

    I hope this passes soon. Maybe she doesn’t know what she is saying since her physical actions are still showing love???

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