An open letter to real estate agents

I’d like to point out a few things that you seem to have missed in the general scheme of things.

New is actually something that is of recent origin. Suffice it to say carpet that has worn spots is not new. Neither is carpet that is stained and faded to the point of not being able to recognise it’s original colour.

The word renovated generally gives the reader the impression someone may have – at the very least – applied a layer of paint on a surface somewhere in the home. Some time in the last 10 years. Just saying.

Here’s one you don’t even need to really think about. The word bathroom is pretty self-explanatory. It is a room containing a bath. If there is no bath in the room for cleaning one’s person, you might like to point that out when advertising. Instead of it being a surprise for the person inspecting three of the five properties on their list. No bath mumma? No Bubba. House broken mumma! My sentiments exactly Bubba.

And while we’re on the topic, a laundry with a shower attachment coming out of the wall in the corner, and a toilet in the opposite corner, can’t really be termed a bathroom now, can it?

Counting is a pretty basic thing that even Love Bug can manage up to 10. So she would have been easily able to tell you that a there were not exactly two bedrooms in the house. There was one bedroom. And there was a room that was probably more likely to have been a lounge room. Or a dining room. Particularly since it was the thoroughfare to the bathroom laundry which had a door directly to the back garden.

Hmmm… garden, now there’s another interesting term which appears to be flung about with reckless abandon. A mouldy courtyard with some overgrown plants {which, from what I could tell were actually hanging over the fence from the neighbours} hardly conjures up garden images now, does it?

I’m not entirely sure what angle lense you all use for taking photos of lounge/dining spaces. The few open living areas we saw today were not much bigger than my dining table. And unless I hang my sofa from the ceiling, I’m fairly sure both pieces of furniture were not going to fit into that space together.

Spacious dine in kitchen with level access to the lovely garden. This one relates directly to my point above about the garden. And what the ad neglected to mention was that it was the only level access in the house. I’ve never seen so many internal steps in a ‘single level’ house. Oh, and use of the word spacious is being a little generous just an outright lie.

Why are people so petist? That is what a bond is for. I have pets. LOADS of people have pets. My pets are my family. And having seen what I did today, I’ve got news for most of you: my pets want to live in your house about as much as you want them there!

i was hopeful before we set out
houses broken mumma. indeed they were bubba.
houses broken mumma. indeed they were bubba.

House hunting with a toddler is not high on my list of suggested activities. In fact, it wouldn’t even make the list. But it’s something I’ve got to do. House hunting with a toddler who is currently allergic to just getting into her car seat without an epic battle is torture.

To be fair to Love Bug, she was a trooper today. Considering we looked at five properties and then had to do our shopping. That is way too many times to get in and out of the car. And there were only two melt downs. And one tiny cupcake bribe.

When we were back home this afternoon in our expensive, renovated home with a bathroom {and an ensuite, which is what I would probably call a bathroom without a bath – but that’s just me}, Bubba sat on the bench and we cooked together, music on so we could dance around together when the mood took us, I realised what the main problem was with every house we saw today. There was no way we could have done that in any of the houses we saw.

On the upside we met and patted four lovely dogs, including one 17 year old friend who was out walking with her daddy … a lovely Italian man who was 90 in the shade, and a chocolate labrador puppy with the same name as Love Bug. She thought that was pretty good fun. Oh, and there were two good looking firemen in the supermarket who ended up standing behind us chatting and smiling with Bubba at the checkout.

But we’re still no closer to finding a new house to live.

Maybe they’ve got some spare beds at the firehouse?

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Sage says:

    I’m sure I’ve missed something along the way and didn’t know you were looking for a new place. But I feel your pain. Looking at properties is mind-boggling, much less the hype agents use to make the property ‘attractive’.

  2. Broken houses definitely make for a discouraging trip (5 discouraging trips). What a bummer. Just know that after looking for a bit (a short bit, I hope), you’ll walk into one and say, “This is it! This is our new home.” I remember that instant feeling of KNOWING – when I found my apartment after a few days of discouraging looking. Good luck.

    1. Thanks, I know we’ll find it eventually. I just hope it doesn’t take too long!

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