It’s been a tough few days and I’ve been fighting my anxiety every step of the way. Despite every attempt not to, there has been hot stinging in my eyes as I try to fight the tears. There have been many flocks of winged creatures caged in my chest and elephants sitting on me.

It’s days like these that I can’t help but think: do you ever wonder if the Universe really does have your back?

I believe in fate.
I believe in life’s timing.
I am present.
I am grateful.
I am optimistic.
I am kind and giving.
I believe in the greater picture and that we are all where we are supposed to be at any given moment in time.

But some days – for some minutes – or some hours – I waiver ever so.

What the hell is the Universe be doing to me right now? What {more} lessons am I supposed to be learning about relationships?

Or is the Universe just having a good laugh at me?

While standing with my feet in the dirt, connected to the earth, breathing to try to release the birds and move the elephant, I’m trying being conscious and aware and present.

But I’m not winning today. I feel paralysed, light headed and foggy. If the earth could swallow me whole I’d let it.

So I’m not winning today.

Not at all.